The Messy Middle

I’m writing to you from the Airstream. It’s a quiet Sunday morning here in Hill Country, Texas. I’ve lit a fire and have sat out here for the last couple hours while the sun has gradually crept over the top of the trees. 

This week has been insane. I’ve been in 5 different cities within the last 6 days. Most of my traveling has been in the car this week, although there were a few flights I had to catch at the beginning of the week. I don’t mind driving. It’s therapeutic for me. I don’t have to be checking my messages, emails, or endless notifications that seem to keep us distracted from living our actual lives. Driving is an escape for me. I get to hit the road, nothing but possibility in front of me. I think most musicians are addicted to the road in some way. There’s a part of me that wishes I was traveling for music, and not for finance (my day job). But that isn’t the phase of life I’m in right now, and I have to accept that. 

I have to accept that for whatever reason, I am still supposed to be working this job while building my music career up on the side. I know you might be in the same place: balancing practicality with passion. That’s what I’m doing. I work Monday-Friday from nine to five at my finance job so that I can spend my evenings and weekends moving my music forward. The whole time I keep wishing I was able to do this full time. But then I remind myself to stay grateful for my blessings, that there are others who would kill to be in my position. That helps. But being grateful is something I struggle with a lot. I’m always striving for the next thing, I’m always looking ahead to the next milestone, the next marker, the next “thing to accomplish.” 

There was a time when I told myself “once I get my Airstream I’ll be happy.” Well… I got it. And now I live in it. But there’s still that ache inside. There’s still that ache that screams “you aren’t there yet.” If I just accomplish that one more thing, then I’ll be able to rest. 

But, it’s a lie. 

If I can’t be grateful now with all that I have, I will never be grateful… even if I achieve all my so-called dreams. There will always be one more thing to do, one more thing to strive for. 

So I’ve spent the morning practicing gratitude, sipping my coffee slowly, feeling the breeze, admiring my silver glowing Airstream in the early sunlight… it helps. It reminds me to slow down and not always be in a hurry to arrive, but rather to enjoy the ride… enjoy the journey. Again, I struggle with this. 

Anyway, 5 cities in 6 days… insanity. I’ve been living in hotel rooms, on the road a lot this week doing meetings and trying to drum up business for my day-job, my financial career. I like my job, truly I do. I’m good at it. I’ve spent over a decade building up my skill set in this chosen field and it’s paid off. I am doing extremely well at work right now and it feels good. It feels good to honor my job and my clients in that way.

But there’s still that ache… the ache that says, “yeah but you’re not a full time musician yet.” 

And maybe that’s okay… maybe it’s okay that I’m walking two worlds right now. Maybe it’s okay that I’m able to make whatever music I want and release it whenever I want to. Maybe it’s okay that I don’t have an agent or manager telling me what to do. Maybe it’s okay that I don’t have a record label who owns all of my music and forces me to make money by being out on the road playing shows and selling tickets. Maybe the path I’m on right now is meant for me. Maybe I’m meant to stay my own boss in the music arena and build my career slowly. Maybe I’m supposed to experience this dissonance. Maybe this pain… the pain of not being where I want to be in my music career… is meant for me to alchemize into sonic waveforms, into studio poetry. Maybe one day my path will inspire another person who also feels like they’re walking two worlds. Maybe my test will become my testimony. Maybe this mess will become my message.

So I keep going. Keep walking. I keep believing that my full time music aspirations are just right around the corner. Every day there is a new artist going viral on social media… everyday someone’s life is changing… it hasn’t happened for me yet. But that’s okay. I keep the faith. It’ll happen on the divine timeline, not when I want it to. Until then I just need to keep releasing music, keep sending out these newsletters every Sunday, keep posting on social media, keep playing shows, keep working towards a dream that sometimes it feels like only I can see. 

I’m in the “messy middle” as they call it. Most people break here. Most people give up. Most people quit. Most people can’t stand the pain, the torture, the disappointment, the silence, the agony. 

I can. 

I can take it. I can handle it. 

If you only knew what I’ve been through in my life.

If you only knew the pain I’ve endured in recent years. The internal silent battles. The war that nobody saw. The heartbreak that nearly broke me. You’d know how tough I am.

So I keep going. Keep walking. Keep believing. 

Because that’s what artists do. They remind us of the impossible, the magical, the miraculous. 

The other day I had a bit of an epiphany. 

As an artist, I am bombarded with advice on what I need to do to “make it to the next level”. Every time I log onto social media there is another guru telling me I need to make Tik Toks, post more Reels, dance like an idiot in front of the camera, do something controversial to go viral, and so on. If you’re like me, it gets aggravating, if not downright infuriating. I just want to make music, that’s all. 

But the other day something occurred to me. Something huge, a revelation if you will. 

Instead of playing the algorithmic game and trying to chase shiny objects I need to use the same principles that have made me successful in my financial career. It involves going back to the basics. Blocking and tackling the foundations. In my career that means doing the boring tasks and routines over and over again until you reach a tipping point of success. 

For music, here’s what that means. Return to basics. Don’t chase virality. Just put out great music. And then do it over and over again until I reach that same tipping point. 

So I sent up a quick poll on Instagram this week and asked if I should release another song this week (even though I released a song only a couple weeks ago). The response rate was 100% “yes”. 

And it showed me something powerful… creating good art IS enough. I don’t have to do all of the silly things that these marketing gurus tell me to do if I don’t want to. I just have to make great music and put it out consistently enough until I hit my inflection point. I might not know when that point will be, and it might take longer to hit. But I’ll be hitting it on my own timeline, with my integrity as an artist intact. 

So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to release a new song this week.

But I’m going to do something a little different. Instead of me deciding which song to release, I’m going to let you pick the next release.

You Pick My Next Song

Here’s how it will work. I’ve uploaded two brand new unreleased songs into my Patreon membership. 

You can join for 7-days completely free… listen to both songs and then cast your vote for which song you think should be released next. 

Whichever song wins the vote will be released this week on streaming sites worldwide. Should be fun!

Sometimes you have these re-epiphanies when you realize that you don’t need to chase shiny objects. You just need to master the basics and the repeat them a million times over and over again. As a friend of mine once said, “sometimes good things take time.” 

As an artist we always focus on the “when”... when will I make it big? When will I achieve my dreams? When will my music take off? When will I be able to do this full time? When will I get enough Patreon members to support me? When… when… when….

But that’s a path to misery.

So instead I’m focusing on the “what”... what am I doing to make my dreams come true? What can I do today? What action do I need to take? What projects require my attention? What… what… what…

The “when” will sort itself out.

Thanks for walking with me and being here. Hit reply and write me back… tell me what you think of these Sunday letters. I read every response. 

See you next Sunday,

Roman

This Week on Patreon

This week I did something different. Instead of me deciding which track gets released next, I’m handing the decision to you.

You Decide the Next Release

I uploaded two brand new songs into my Patreon membership:

🎧 Don’t Wanna Talk No More
An aggressive pop track with a dance groove that doesn’t let up. It’s about finally telling the girl who dumped me—and then wouldn’t stop calling—that it’s over for good.

🎧 All I Needed Was Your Love
Another high-energy pop track, but sharper and more defiant. It’s about heartbreak, frustration, and reclaiming your power when the one who broke your heart won’t let you be.

Both songs are raw, fiery, and different from what I’ve released before. But only one will go live on streaming next week.

👉 Vote here and help me choose the next release →

You can join Patreon free for 7 days, listen to both tracks, and then cast your vote. Whichever song wins will be released worldwide this week.

Recent Releases

🎧 Back Nine
A playful, romantic pop track with a sunny groove. It’s about the tension between keeping your head in the game and being completely distracted by the girl you can’t stop thinking about. Lighthearted on the surface, but underneath it’s about longing, memory, and how love sneaks up on you in the quietest moments.

🎧 Letters from Skye
Written and released on the Isle of Skye in Scotland, this one carries a cinematic, windswept feel. It’s both intimate and expansive—like a love letter written at the edge of the world. A song about distance, desire, and the words left unsent.

🌍 Explore the full discography →
From early albums to the newest singles, dive into the whole journey here.